THE WEDDING WISH

Sometimes you don’t start relationships. Sometimes they start you.

Some things are bound to happen. Even if you try hard for them to not happen or occur, even if they fall apart and even if you spoil everything to the core, they just happen, and that too for the best! And the whole sole reason for them to turn out great is cause of the honesty and pureness in your relationship.

And to own a relationship of that type, I feel blessed! So, “AB”…thanks! TONS!

Okay so as per my birth certificate, I’m 20 years old; way too young to think about weddings and their happenings...still I do fantasize them! A lot! I love the feeling of the great Indian *big fat cliché* sort of wedding where the bride is the only one eyed, with everybody you knew from the day you were born around you, blessing you and awesome! The full idea is just too beautiful!

It’s the day, that one day when every girl wishes to be extraordinarily beautiful, all the hopes of turning into a woman from just a girl, the desire for being a princess for the special one, the “Mr. Perfect”, and to enter a new phase of life with showers of love and blessing form one and all. A new stage of life where you grow from a sister to a sister in law, a daughter to daughter in law and a wife! So much strings to be attached.WOW!

But all of this involves a lot of stones to be turned, mainly parting with your childhood and memories.

This feeling of leaving over the place where you opened your eyes, cried, laughed, been pampered, skinned your knees while crawling, ran all over the house, sang awfully and still everybody clapped for you, scribbled over the walls and anything and everything, is jittering. Moreover, the only thing that creates a void are the missing moments of fights, arguments, each hug, and every second of happiness and love with your parents and siblings.

A new home, a new family at the other end of this beautiful affair awaits you for its completeness, and every minute of their future happiness depends on you, and this is exactly what makes us realize that moving over from one phase of life to the other is a necessity.

Well, all this caught my mind because of a wedding. HAS TO BE! And to be precise AB’s sister wedding. An important one and the one I’m really looking forward to.

I don’t know what made me pen down everything present in my mind, but yes with each word, the smile grew on my face and I really wanted to express my feelings, and my wishing, the other way.

So, ‘Dee’…It’s set! The day, the date, the stage and the preparations are done too! A new life, new relations, a bond of love, faith, trust and dreams is about to unfold for you. All I wish for you is happiness, love and luck. May you have a sooper-ly blessed and a loving married life and god showering you both with happiness, always! And yes, you have the best brother by your side and henceforth happiness has to revolve around you.

Though I haven’t met you, but I’ve heard you and about you and I’m excitedly looking forward to see you. Soon. Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS once again!!

P.S. This one’s for you, AB…I’m lucky to have you around :)

The search for the why's.

I don't know whether there'll be a day when i get to find the actual reasons behind the WHY of living? The WHY of loving? The WHY of breathing? The Why of being a human? I think NEVER.

Despite of the zillion things going in the head since the day I got my mind intact to my thoughts, I’ve had the why's revolving around, but never got the chance to pen them down.

Now after I received a text with all the questioning part, it made me dumbstruck. I'm still stuck to all of them and still searching some answer to the whys in/of the world.

Why do we ask sorry when we are not wrong?

Why do we bend ourselves? Is it just because we can't afford to lose them?

Why do we act as if we are wrong and ask for forgiveness?

Why do we run to help even after a bitter quarrel?

Why do we feel pleasure in hurting the one we love?

Why do people end up hurting someone or the other, physically or emotionally?

Why are we always desperate and eager to reach-out despite being avoided?

Why do we explain each bit even when it is not required?

Why do we forget all anger and forgive when it’s all over?

Why do we always try to avoid but can't resist the person who's causing pain the most?

Why do we get consoled only after crying on the shoulders of who made us cry?

Why everybody wants to be in the good books of everybody?

Why do we try and help everybody when everybody here is to help us out?

Why does every love story end up in some sort of sadness?

Why was a pure feeling like love, always accompanied with ego, anger, tears?

Why does one dream so high and it’s rare to find ways to get them?

And the most important of all:

Why was EGO, ANGER, VIOLENCE ever created?

And to find some answers, all I could recollect was HAPPINESS in anger, in hurting. Keeping some emotions more close than self ego. And the feeling of losing, just to see somebody smile over your defeat. And moreover, living out each moment rather than spending time just breathing.

I know it’s stupid to even find the answers to the why, what, and everything of life.

Cause in the end life has to turn beautiful, has to find a way of contentment and has to do just according to the way it’s meant to be.

The aftereffects continued.

Just a touch of yours and I made you mine.

You made me laugh and I made you cry.

I did love you, wasn’t faking at all

Go ask my heart!

Still, no trust after all.

I don’t blame you,

But I can’t keep crying.

There’s a life I left for you,

But it’s no point trying.

So now there’s a new me,

For everything that is in tune with me.

I feel strange vibes,

And I see a new me.

I feel something creeping,

Taking over my soul and mind.

Detaching, ignoring, avoiding and running,

Is everything that I’ve tried.

Nether I feel the pain,

Nor a drop of tear,

I’ve lost some aspects of life,

Now losing me is what I fear.

I’m all evil, mean and wrong.

Still intact with some right things there.

But with time they’ll move on,

And someday be lost somewhere.

I feel of a stone.

Heartless, painless in fact nothing.

I need to gain love,

 Need to feel some things.

The aftereffects

Some sort of game

You should just carry on.

I think I need to frame it right,

Just outside the reality ball.

No more blame game,

No more questioning the so called love.

You loved me exactly the way

You defined love.

Even after all the penny little reasons

To split me into a jigsaw,

Piece by piece I recollect,

Still stuck in your awe.

You were the reason I felt love.

You still are reason I feel.

Maybe this is what was destined,

As a wish for my love to be sealed.

Forgiving you might be tough,

Maybe extremely hard;

For you’ve just turned me,

In nothing but a cold blooded stone heart. .