LOVE, LIFE AND THEIR SEASONS

Just as weather cycle goes on over the world, life follows the same route for each emotion. At least mine does.

The seasonal weather cycle as we’ve all studied, or to say experience/feel it (obviously!) continues with summer, monsoon, then autumn, winters and spring and then summer again!

Similar goes on with our life’s emotional cycle, you’re happy one moment, extremely sad the other, sometimes problematic and sometimes neutral. But in the end it starts all over again. You end up being happy, this way or that. And this cycle goes on and on.

Summers; the boiling heat, the bright sun, the carefree nature (obviously except the sweat!); depicts the season of happiness. Or to be exact, defines Love. You fall in it, get high with it, do crazy things, go mad with your dreams and ride high on desires. The adrenaline rush you feel, just when you’re about to kiss and the same sort of rush when you have a rain dance in the scorching heat, ditto. The feeling of achieving something you desired, the happiness of being surrounded with love, just as the smile on your face glows, the sun shines in summer.

The happiness weakens. Relationships too do. The rocky patch, the problematic days, with tension of work, family and people around, but the hope of happiness still being there, clusters in for the Monsoon of emotions. Monsoon includes the rains, the sticky days, and the irritations when just a percent of humidity increases. And some comparison to put in, this monsoon marks the end of summer or a break from it, to be more general, just like monsoon of our emotions, shadows our prolonged happiness.

Monsoon ends. Autumn begins, the trees shed their leaves, and the environment gets filled with moist air along with some sadness in it. The autumn is nothing more than, the partitions, the ends, the break ups and the never stopping tears, the losing love, and the losing out on happiness phase. Terrible to summarize.

After you break up with somebody or lose out on the *supposed* love of your life, the world seem to crash down, everything seems to halt. The numbness fills in. Everything seems murky. We become so inhumane, or insensitive that our little heart becomes a cold stone. The winters of our emotions have arrived. Putting a comparison with the winter weather, the snow (okay not in Delhi!), still in the other parts of the world, makes us stick to the home and we lose our sense of touch, the numbness rushes here too.

But then winters don’t stay for long. The smart sun gets back to business of shining on us and such comes spring! The moderate environment, a little cold and little hot. The tree seem to blossom with sparkling new flower buds, and to correlate, our lives get better. A new love knocks down, things fall into place, smartly and sweetly a smile starts to mark its way on our faces. Spring it is!

My life too goes through it. But everything happens to its extreme. To personify, the sweltering bright heat of Middle East makes up my summer. The freezing chills of Alaska make up my winters. The nonstop pouring water of Mumbai makes the monsoon. The stereotypical* Canadian flowers shedding from trees make up my autumn and the cute red flowers budding on New York street trees make up my spring!    Extreme! Totally!

Too much happiness, too much hatred, too much pain, too much problems. Too much EVERYTHING. But life goes on. We do too, we have to adapt to everything that happens in and around us. Or probably just keep flowing. Optimistic, we have to be!

Even though it’s very humid and hot in New Delhi, but I’m so enjoying my Monsoonal-Spring. New beginnings and problematic events, the new love and old hatred are making me happy and irritable, at the same time. Nonetheless, this season is truly loved by me, with all my heart.

OUT YOU GO MR.X

Last week I saw a not so rich man pretending to be this stinky rich guy who owns the world, or at least thinks that way. To not mention him as this man, I would call him Mr X. The scene exactly was Mr. X was driving a car, not the long or the SUV one but the mid car; and then suddenly a rickshaw puller tries to find way among the little space beside him to cross the red light and succeeds.

Just to try his luck and dance on the tiny little chance another cycle driving man does the same, but fails and so bumps into the car. OUCH! And to not exaggerate, the cycle could only put a little scratch, sized the nail of my middle finger to Mr. X's car.

And as everybody would do, Mr. X got down, panicked, saw his car, shouted at the cycle man and went inside his car. NORMAL. But then suddenly his pride woke up and bought him back on road. STRANGE. And then in a blink, he was slapping, kicking the cycle man and shouting and screaming in the middle of the road. Everybody watched. Happily to say cause no one came forward to help that poor cycle man. And to surprise everybody Mr. X deflated the cycle tires. And yes BOTH. Just to not expect, he came with his might inhuman nature, and laughingly said "tum chote log kya jaano car ki kimat,bhikhari kahi ke aur aage dikha to maar daalunga"

Signal opened. Everybody left. Except that cycle man, stranded on the footpath with deflated cycle, tore shirt and whining about his status to god.

I was numb. For a second, cold enough to not feel the heat and hot air blowing. And I too left.

Now after 6 days of that happening, I’m ashamed of myself. I’m ashamed of not getting out of my car to help him or stop Mr. X from almost killing him. Why did I do it? Cause I was scared or was I enjoying such a scene? Or my voice alone wasn't enough to stop Mr. X from making cycle guy blame god? I don't know. Probably ALL.

Mr. X is a healthy wealthy man, happy and rich enough to buy a car. And a cycle too but broke enough to have emotions attached with people and have humanity and showing gratitude to god is what he doesn't know. And the cycle man is a thin poor guy, whining not about his tore shirt or no aired cycle but his fate for making him sense pain from such a close degree. For him, getting a new shirt is a big deal where in compared to us, we don't use a shirt if it gets blotted. For us to drive an ac car in such heat is acceptable but not walking without an umbrella or the chic shades and this man has to travel some large distance without all this.

But in all this even after losing so much he only has god to blame for the beating and thank him for his liveliness. And to put a comparison here, we blame god for not getting us to the new phone in market, never for making us stand everyday in good health. HONESTLY never.

Mr.X is in us. Each one of us. And we need to flush him out. ASAP to say. Else we would be enjoying killing someone over a Band-Aid sized cut on a car and blaming god for making it difficult for us to kill him this way and giving him strength enough to fight for living. Tch.

Pride makes us blind, heartless for emotions and feelings. Get real, get human. 

Start thanking god for every tiny little thing you have, because it takes a fortune to have it and a microsecond to lose it. Rather just thank god for your life.

I wish and hope, just as I did, everybody will, someday live with peace, harmony and with integrity and not kill over materialistic visions and status problems.

So now I’m all with it, done with in-humanism.

God! Thank you so much. With lots of Love ,a little-coward-stupid-cute child of yours.

THE U TURNS

Just when you think life has a new meaning, it takes a u turn.

Everybody goes through these u turns. And yes, I’ve been through too, and some hasty ones too which have made me a new person altogether. Life does teach you a lesson, from a small incident, which you never thought will lead to such happenings to occur, some good and some bad.

In school, all I ever wanted was a bunch of close friends that stick by me through my ups and downs, a happy peaceful family life, and courage to fulfill my dream of being a doctor. So just when I found my perfect pillars of life, and then crushing over some random cute-hot guy, all that I ever dreamt, was there; right in front of me. And just when I began to lose myself among the winds of dreams and airy happiness, life shook me with a whack from home, some ditch-able friends, and the *oh so I love* guy. The most required one then and yes! It then made me realize where I stood among everything in life and made me calmer and more spirited on the work front. But then even if you put in your effort, sometimes it doesn’t comes out the way you want cause something somewhere is way better than what you’ve imagined for yourself. And then suddenly, some disheartening results, shattering of dreams of childhood, to be the one with a stethoscope, and falling prey to some sadness. Well as good times come and go, so are bad times, short-lived they are. But then whatever happens has a reason behind it and we gotta adjust, move on. So life then put me on track of little less stress than medicine and something I never wanted to. Engineering it is!

ADJUSTMENT. More and more of it. That is what we’re taught since always, especially females, with dreams, people, needs and life. My life was put onto a new track and there was no point for me to crib over it. And hence my college life started. I wasn’t a school kid anymore but on the path of being an adult. Sounds stereotype. It still does to me, sometimes!

So with new people, new environment, new world to be more precise, culture shock (literally) and then same story of finding a group of friends, outings, the no more school gossips, but more than it, little more intelligent; which I thought would happen but then I was in a pot hole of people, who were/are eagerly wanting the *I’m the smartest guy* and the * I’m the hottest chick* tag, (no offence in particular).

The fun part began. Awesomely amazing friends, I’m glad and more than happy to still have them after 3 years of a roller-coaster ride; the girl meets guy story, the change of feelings and everything to accompany it. Happiness, as a word doesn’t suffice for all of it. . Time passed, Happiness too. More than you think, life has s new plan for you; problems to make you hard, Sadness to alert you about the happiness in store. Then it was time for endings. Some beautiful and some shattering, depressing and pathetic. Just as they have a dialogue in *My Sassy’s girl*, for once you meet someone in life who divides your life into the time before you met them and after that. So did I. But the difference was the division that occurred after the person left. And during that time, I don’t seem to recall a single day where I thought I have a reason to carry on. But then stupid I was, foolish to say.

So here, life again takes a turn. Then you meet someone who reads you, eyes closed; senses you from over 50 kms; and loves you unconditionally. And then you don’t only know them by name. They become your wish granter, problem solver and for me, my genie was here! All I could wish for nothing but a little more strength to move on, and happiness was here again. See, life and its turns. All before you think and realize and act upon.

So after all the things are said and done, when I got down to realize where I went wrong? Or why it happened with me? Was I so accustomed to happiness that I had to get the feeling of lowness? All I get as an answer within me is nothing. Silence plays and that is what makes me realize life is all about. A graph of happiness and sorrow and we have to maintain a path most close to the normal threshold. So, play easy, honest, true and don’t expect anything from it, all it will do n the end is surprise you with happiness and when you are too above the normal line, you’ll be bought back to it , within no time and when you least expect it.

Now for me, I’m happy, joyous, having fun and 100 percent relaxed, with a headstrong practicality in all terms of life including the feelings to which I’m biased, love. A little more careful this time and taking it slow with love, or to say the feeling. All this is the work that my friends have put in to me or the life I have with them, which augments my spiritedness and just to sum it up, I love them. ALL. THANK-YOU won’t be enough but yes I am and will be there for you all.

So with arms wide open, I’m all ready for SURPRISES! Life, bring it on!

LIVING A DREAM

I’m living a dream. In fact we all are. Whether we admit it or not, life is nothing more than it.

We sleep (or sometimes open eyed), think of things, imagine them to our widest horizons and then get up the next moment (or wake up for instance) with the aim of just completing our dream; the dream we thought of, from scratch to their planning and till out expressions and reactions are well guessed on their execution.

Just as we dream, during the day, eyes wide open and even while we are sleeping, we think. We think of things that are of at most importance to our lives, even if we don’t agree to it in our conscious selves. The career, the thought of being *someone at the top* someday; the ongoing disrupts, fights and parting ways; some big event, its planning and our role in it; the moment somebody touches our life in an unusual way and yes! The moment we fall in love with somebody; we think extravagantly.

Okay! So as well know, from the notion set, and as our parents too say it; “for a higher living, all you need to do is DREAM BIG”. And hence, all we are entitled to do is expand our vision to somehow reach what we actually desire to happen or to a point where only a smile is left on your face after you’re handed your fulfilled dream.

But, we just keep on dreaming and sit with clutched fist and do nothing! We have to work hard, put in our 100 percent to make it happen and as so rightly said *”if you really want something to happen, and you give in your full shot then the full universe conspires to make it happen, just for you“*

I dream, I dream big, and to be honest I dream huge! And I have a vision, to be somebody who is looked up to, with love making me smile every morning, and my family being contented with all the little joys that I give in.  And all that I wish and hope is that my vision, my dream, is perfectly struck. By me.

THE WEDDING WISH

Sometimes you don’t start relationships. Sometimes they start you.

Some things are bound to happen. Even if you try hard for them to not happen or occur, even if they fall apart and even if you spoil everything to the core, they just happen, and that too for the best! And the whole sole reason for them to turn out great is cause of the honesty and pureness in your relationship.

And to own a relationship of that type, I feel blessed! So, “AB”…thanks! TONS!

Okay so as per my birth certificate, I’m 20 years old; way too young to think about weddings and their happenings...still I do fantasize them! A lot! I love the feeling of the great Indian *big fat cliché* sort of wedding where the bride is the only one eyed, with everybody you knew from the day you were born around you, blessing you and awesome! The full idea is just too beautiful!

It’s the day, that one day when every girl wishes to be extraordinarily beautiful, all the hopes of turning into a woman from just a girl, the desire for being a princess for the special one, the “Mr. Perfect”, and to enter a new phase of life with showers of love and blessing form one and all. A new stage of life where you grow from a sister to a sister in law, a daughter to daughter in law and a wife! So much strings to be attached.WOW!

But all of this involves a lot of stones to be turned, mainly parting with your childhood and memories.

This feeling of leaving over the place where you opened your eyes, cried, laughed, been pampered, skinned your knees while crawling, ran all over the house, sang awfully and still everybody clapped for you, scribbled over the walls and anything and everything, is jittering. Moreover, the only thing that creates a void are the missing moments of fights, arguments, each hug, and every second of happiness and love with your parents and siblings.

A new home, a new family at the other end of this beautiful affair awaits you for its completeness, and every minute of their future happiness depends on you, and this is exactly what makes us realize that moving over from one phase of life to the other is a necessity.

Well, all this caught my mind because of a wedding. HAS TO BE! And to be precise AB’s sister wedding. An important one and the one I’m really looking forward to.

I don’t know what made me pen down everything present in my mind, but yes with each word, the smile grew on my face and I really wanted to express my feelings, and my wishing, the other way.

So, ‘Dee’…It’s set! The day, the date, the stage and the preparations are done too! A new life, new relations, a bond of love, faith, trust and dreams is about to unfold for you. All I wish for you is happiness, love and luck. May you have a sooper-ly blessed and a loving married life and god showering you both with happiness, always! And yes, you have the best brother by your side and henceforth happiness has to revolve around you.

Though I haven’t met you, but I’ve heard you and about you and I’m excitedly looking forward to see you. Soon. Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS once again!!

P.S. This one’s for you, AB…I’m lucky to have you around :)

The search for the why's.

I don't know whether there'll be a day when i get to find the actual reasons behind the WHY of living? The WHY of loving? The WHY of breathing? The Why of being a human? I think NEVER.

Despite of the zillion things going in the head since the day I got my mind intact to my thoughts, I’ve had the why's revolving around, but never got the chance to pen them down.

Now after I received a text with all the questioning part, it made me dumbstruck. I'm still stuck to all of them and still searching some answer to the whys in/of the world.

Why do we ask sorry when we are not wrong?

Why do we bend ourselves? Is it just because we can't afford to lose them?

Why do we act as if we are wrong and ask for forgiveness?

Why do we run to help even after a bitter quarrel?

Why do we feel pleasure in hurting the one we love?

Why do people end up hurting someone or the other, physically or emotionally?

Why are we always desperate and eager to reach-out despite being avoided?

Why do we explain each bit even when it is not required?

Why do we forget all anger and forgive when it’s all over?

Why do we always try to avoid but can't resist the person who's causing pain the most?

Why do we get consoled only after crying on the shoulders of who made us cry?

Why everybody wants to be in the good books of everybody?

Why do we try and help everybody when everybody here is to help us out?

Why does every love story end up in some sort of sadness?

Why was a pure feeling like love, always accompanied with ego, anger, tears?

Why does one dream so high and it’s rare to find ways to get them?

And the most important of all:

Why was EGO, ANGER, VIOLENCE ever created?

And to find some answers, all I could recollect was HAPPINESS in anger, in hurting. Keeping some emotions more close than self ego. And the feeling of losing, just to see somebody smile over your defeat. And moreover, living out each moment rather than spending time just breathing.

I know it’s stupid to even find the answers to the why, what, and everything of life.

Cause in the end life has to turn beautiful, has to find a way of contentment and has to do just according to the way it’s meant to be.

The aftereffects continued.

Just a touch of yours and I made you mine.

You made me laugh and I made you cry.

I did love you, wasn’t faking at all

Go ask my heart!

Still, no trust after all.

I don’t blame you,

But I can’t keep crying.

There’s a life I left for you,

But it’s no point trying.

So now there’s a new me,

For everything that is in tune with me.

I feel strange vibes,

And I see a new me.

I feel something creeping,

Taking over my soul and mind.

Detaching, ignoring, avoiding and running,

Is everything that I’ve tried.

Nether I feel the pain,

Nor a drop of tear,

I’ve lost some aspects of life,

Now losing me is what I fear.

I’m all evil, mean and wrong.

Still intact with some right things there.

But with time they’ll move on,

And someday be lost somewhere.

I feel of a stone.

Heartless, painless in fact nothing.

I need to gain love,

 Need to feel some things.